We moved, and now you want to too!

So I currently am sitting here very pregnant and beyond frustrated.  Friday hubby received a phone call saying that his mom would really like to come over and visit with us Sunday morning.  Ok, no problem, any reason? She said that she would like to discuss with us her retirement hopefully at the end of this year around her birthday (November).  Uh, ok, that isn’t our decision but sure!  The next day hubby received another phone call from mom.  This time she starts freaking out telling him not to mention her possible retirement Sunday as her BF is coming and he doesn’t know about it yet….. FUCK lady grow up already!!! Who cares! It doesn’t matter anyways and this Jr. Highschool BS is just that, BS!!! I got upset with hubby after he hung up for that reason, I reminded him that this is the same thing that she was doing once she started dating and wanted me to tell hubby that she had a BF! Ummm, NO! I am about ready to go out and buy you a freaking pair of big girl underpants already since you turn 65 this fucking year, I think it’s about time you probably have a pair!!!  He has no say in if you retire or not.  Hell you kicked him out of the house months ago because you didn’t want to even discuss the possibility of his kids moving in (because they asked once), so NO he has NO SAY in if you choose to retire or not.  Just like hubby and I have no say!  Is it what you want to do?  Can you afford to do so?  Do you want to?  If the answers are YES, then FUCKING RETIRE!!!

Don’t worry, it gets better……

Backstory: At the beginning of December hubby and I purchased our first house!  We moved 1hr away from MIL (with no traffic, 1 1/2hr with) so really not that far away.  Plus, we all know how often she visited when we were 5-15 minutes away anyways.  We are still excited as it is a better commute for hubby to his work and a smaller town vibe (we live in a pretty close knit community with amazing neighbours!).  Housing prices were WAY more affordable this way, as quite literally the only way we would have been able to afford a house where we were was to honestly win the lottery.

After all of the freaking out about trying to make it our decision if she should retire or not (but don’t tell BF) we are dropped with another BOMBSHELL!!!! In case you are wondering, yup we aren’t allowed to tell her BF this one either!!! lol. In case you haven’t figured it out by now: YUP!!! We are told that she wants to MOVE CLOSER TO US!!!  The reason that she want’s to retire we are told is because she has “DECIDED that she wants to be become a grandma!”  Yup, you read that right!  Let me repeat: SHE HAS DECIDED SHE WANTS TO BE A GRANDMA!!!  Because she want’s to finally participate in our 19 month old son’s life and our second child’s life, means that she wants to move 15 minutes down the mountain from us and retire so that we can “hang out” during the week ALL THE TIME!!! YUP, apparently she has already started looking at condos.  SHOOT ME NOW! SERIOUSLY! PLEASE SHOOT ME!  I don’t even know how to respond to this especially since, ummm, she is forgetting that she has two other grandchildren too!  One is 15 (shit, maybe 16 next month!) and the other 10!  They live an hour the other direction from her (currently) and she actually is INVOLVED in their lives!  So…. she is going to become my BFF and always be at my house and forget all about her granddaughters?


We are then told that she want’s to spend all morning with little one so that they will be at our house bright and early Sunday morning at 7am!!!  No worries, hubby says as we are typically up by 5/6ish and little man goes for nap at 1, so you will have plenty of time to play.  Yup, they showed up just after 10.


We moved, and now you want to too!

Another round of birthdays…

We just had another round of birthdays that brought us again to MIL’s house for the afternoon.  I don’t even think I really need to say more on that subject lol. Before leaving I dug out our travel books to Ireland because BIL and GF are heading to Ireland and Spain in the spring for a holiday but haven’t told MIL because she will then turn into a mom and treat him like he is 5 and panic beyond belief.  In order to get away with this as a secret covert mission, I had to fashion a book jacket out of some heavy gauge paper that I had so that nobody could see what that it was a travel guide and preemptively panic over NOTHING!

I did have to bite my tongue once though as everyone was talking about disciplining children.  SIL doesn’t….. and says that she wants to be their friends and even later in the day said that the 9 year old is the boss of the house 😦 .  Then MIL pipes up and says that she never hit any of her children, she only remained very calm and said that she was disappointed in them.  The reason I had to bite my tongue to this was because she may not have spanked her own children but I have fucking witnessed you spank your fucking grand-daughter!!!! Don’t get me wrong, a spank was very well warranted, but not from fucking grandma!!! And especially when mom was in the room.  But thankfully that was a few years ago and there will be NO FUCKING WAY that you will EVER do that to my child or I will loose my shit.  Who are we kidding, I will fly my mom out here to babysit before leaving him with MIL!

Pumpkin photos: For halloween hubby hollowed out a big pumpkin, carved out the back and two leg holes so that we could have the obligatory baby in a pumpkin photo.  If you look at the photo you can clearly tell that it was a real pumpkin.  MIL is so fucking dense that the first question she has for hubby was “was that a real pumpkin?  Heavens to goodness that was a fake pumpkin right?”  UMmmm…. NO!  It was a real fucking pumpkin.  LOL it was way cheaper than having to go and buy a fake pumpkin to carve up.  *facepalm* (in my head, just breathe, you only just got here and have a few more hours of this bullshit to go… breathe…. repeat song that you sing to tiny human to calm him down – Zee Frank – chillout song or you will seriously go mental!)

As we were leaving I got more insight to the whole text message to my mom about not being able to visit her grandson….. We are getting our shoes on and she says “You guys feel free to pop in anytime as we would love to see more of him!”  I actually spoke up and said “NO! NO! YOU feel free to pop over anytime!  We are home all of the time! Bedtime is between 6:30-7 and we are home the majority of weekends!  It is WAY EASIER for YOU to come to him then us bring him always to you.  He is only able to be awake 2.5 hours currently, so by us coming to you we have to have him in a carseat 2x of which consist of 20-30 minutes each way to get to your house, which is half of his awake window!  SO NO, if you want to see your grandson, come to see him at his house, with his toys and his surroundings!!!”  I was quite shocked but proud of myself for sticking up!  The look on her face was like “oh, i never thought of that before!”  I resisted slapping her at least.  Now the funny part will be if she actually does it or not.  My guess is not because that is out of her comfort zone.  Everyone has to cater to her as she cannot be bothered to see how it inconveniences others.

Another round of birthdays…


Before heading out for Thanksgiving dinner at MIL’s house a super cute thing happened.  Tiny human was helping me get the laundry out of the dryer when our landlords were at the front door.  Every time they see tiny human they always come to say hi.  This was no exception.  The thing was that tiny human knows this and instantly reaches out his arms for “grandma” to pick him up!!! This is the second time in a matter of 3 days that he has done this to her.  Her husband was quite shocked and pleasantly surprised.  She felt so bad because she just had eye surgery and is unable to do any lifting or anything for 2 weeks.  But It is amazing how tiny human knows and loves her so much!  Now, tune in when he shows up at his actual grandma’s house and only reaches for mom and dad!

So in traditional shit show fashion, this thanksgiving was no different.  SIL was all upset because her BF had to work until 5pm.  Then got angry at him because he didn’t have his phone on him in the warehouse (they were busy and it isn’t allowed)!  UMMMM he’s at fucking work and you are trying to call him to say that you are headed to pick him up for dinner.  That is some complete bullshit to get mad at someone for.  Hubby and I looked at one another and were like “Ummm, if you call me at work, it better be a fucking emergency!  Also, you would then call the shop directly so I know it’s important, not my fucking cell phone which is usually NEVER allowed to be on at any workplace!”  She then left to go get him anyways, but came back 15 minutes later flying in like a hurricane bitching that he wasn’t there.  On her way there he sent her a txt saying that things were backed up and that he was going to be late, so not to worry he will get to MIL’s house on his own.  Well it might as well been world war 3!  GROW THE FUCK UP!!!!! Work sometimes comes first.  Be thankful that he actually has some work ethic, and has actually held down the same job for the whole time that you guys have been together (which is a first)!

Supper was supposed to be at “5pm sharp!” according to MIL.  Is this why SIL was in a tizzy?  Because she wouldn’t be there for the start of dinner because that is closing time for BF?  Trivial shit people!  Apparently this had been going on for some time before we arrived as people were at MIL’s house for 2pm.  We showed up at 3:45 (he woke up at 3) because I said that I’m not fucking with 2 of tiny human’s naps, especially when we are trying desperately to be more and more consistent with him in his crib for ALL sleep.  So of course that was unacceptable but FUCK YOU!  We still brought the playpen because tiny human will need his last nap of the day at about 5:15 (we also stated that WE WILL LEAVE your house at 6pm!!!) because bedtime is approximately 7:30 and we are being consistent so that he can get his sleep better.

We brought mashed potatoes and butter/honey roasted sweet potatoes.  In case you are wondering, YES I did eat before leaving the house so that I would only have to choke down one piece of “turkey loaf, or oven warmed Ham lunch loaf”!  MIL and her low fat/no fat ways but loving my full fat cooking, couldn’t get enough of the sweet potatoes.  Hubby told her that there was brown sugar in them hence the sweetness.  She told me several times that she really hates sweet potatoes, but for some reason really loved these ones and can she keep the one spoonful of left overs??  Of course you can!  Why? It’s because they are roasted in about 8T of BUTTER!!! That’s right, butter, salt and cinnamon! There is no fucking sugar in them.  Butter and salt make shit taste better!  Oh and yes there was a shit ton of butter and cream cheese in the mashed potatoes that she scarfed down too.  I also left the skins on which is apparently a huge no no too, but again everything that I cooked had NO LEFTOVERS!!!!  Come on people, butter and salt!!!!! It’s a good thing when cooking.

Tiny human was NOT having his nap at grandma’s house as there was just far too much things to see and do.  So I hung out with him in MIL’s room to try and keep him calm for a bit.  After I knew that hubby was done eating, 5:45 we came out so that I could quickly politely eat something so we can run.  I told him everyone that he was incredibly overtired and over stimulated so please just try to ignore him…. Of course that was fucking ignored.  As hubby was getting tiny human ready to go, MIL turns on every light in the house and gets right up in baby’s face!  For 10 minutes she is right in his face going “oh you are so tired, but you are so cute!  Give me some smiles!  … oh, hello there!  How are you?!?!”  What part of he is OVER FUCKING STIMULATED do you not get!?!!  At the same time SIL is doing the same thing.  GRRRRRRR…… you both have kids and should understand that what you are doing is the exact opposite!  I am thankful that we just left right away.

There were two things that we were unable to discuss or up for discussion during thanksgiving.  I got hubby to be very explicit that there will be NO MORE celebrating my birthday, and don’t ask me any fucking questions about tiny human’s sleep!!! (because NO I won’t give him some formula just so that he will sleep at night – FUCK OFF!)  Because of this, of course the first question out of MIL’s mouth when we arrived was “how is he sleeping?” I responded with “WE AREN’T DISCUSSING THIS!!!”  She then proceeded to 5 minutes later ask hubby all about how his sleep is currently getting crap (but slowly getting better)…..As we are getting our shoes on, with her face still in tiny human’s face (2inches away, yes it was right in his carseat) she is saying goodbye to him as he is rubbing his eyes continuously as that’s how fucking exhausted he is!  She then proceeds to tell me “Well, I kept up my end of the BARGAIN! I will call you in a few days!  Don’t worry, his sleep will eventually get better!!!”  ……………….. ……………… ………………… BARGAIN?!?!!?  There was no fucking bargain.  I was polite and requesting not celebrating my birthday for the past few years, now this year it was a DEMAND!  FUCK OFF!  By mentioning that, do you not realise that you also just reneged on that!?!?!  I looked at her with a blank face, took tiny human and opened the door.  She then turns to hubby and repeats the same thing…….  FUCK YOU!!!!!!! FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!!! What part of this shit is so very hard to get?  Needless to say I am not going to answer in the off chance that she actually does phone me (I have a feeling that it will accidentally be on “silent”) but let’s face it, she will only send a txt message which is easier to ignore.