Well it’s that time of the year again when we get the pleasure of going to MIL’s and being forced to decorate her christmas tree (yes she makes the granddaughters decorate even if they protest!). With that brings “christmas soup!!!” YES! I love soup!!! I have pumpkin soup in my fridge right now!
…. Oh wait! Remember last years “soup”…. aka water with chicken chunks….. this year was a repeat.
Open package of no salt chicken broth, mix in unseasoned processed chicken pieces and egg noodles. For fancy option add shredded carrots from a bag…. This year we got the FANCY carrot option.
Needless to say I fucking dread Christmas soup day! I had a salt shaker and bottle of hot sauce by the door ready to go so that I could at least choke it down. Of course I forgot it. 😦 FUCK now I’m really fucked!!!!
Or am I?!??!!!!
Well, we play around. By that I mean that I play with my son on the floor while Grandma watches from a far. Everyone afraid to touch him like he is some sort of Faberge egg. UMMM he is 6 months! He can sit up by himself, he will stand if you give him your hands and so on….. He’s got this, and won’t break.
Anyways, nap time comes upon us. Hubby has set up the playpen in MIL’s room so that we can try for a nap! Well, tiny human is just not having a nap. He has cried for 45 minutes and is like “FUCK THIS! I want to go home!!!” So hubby goes and hurriedly eats some shitty soup to save some face to his mom? I start packing up all our shit and everyone is like ” OH? what are you doing?” Are you fucking blind and deaf? My son is howling and I am clearly packing up his toys and taking them to the car! Anyways, MIL starts talking like “oh I will just pack you some soup up to go!” I respond with “NO THANKS!” Hubby says we don’t have time, as he knows that once tiny human is in his car seat that we are gone! We don’t have 15 minutes for you to dick around and let some soup cool so that you can send me home with some…. She gets a little huffy because of it but I honestly don’t care anymore. Then as I am getting tiny human in his car seat and my jacket on, everyone starts coming to the door and NOW wanting to Fucking visit!!! FUCK OFF!! Seriously, just fuck off!!! No I am not fucking around, as son is still yelling! No I’m not waiting for fucking soup and not going to now tell you how I’m doing and chatting. Hurry up and give me a fucking hug goodbye if you want, as you had 2.5 hours previously to tell me all the shit going on in your life to which you didn’t. Now is the wrong fucking time to realise that I’m here too.
Baby locked and loaded, hubby out the door and heading home. Of course tiny human doesn’t fall asleep right away, but half way home…. Hubby asks if we should take the LONG way home! Thank goodness, as he needs this nap desperately. In order to extend the trip too, we hubby proceeds to the drive thru of a Tim Horton’s to order me a sandwich as I haven’t eaten!
Oh and just because I’m a big bitch, I decided to make some Christmas bark as a treat for everyone. MIL and SIL both say that salt and butter are bad for you and that it makes them sick and that they just swell up immediately if they have ANY salt. I’m calling BULLSHIT!!!! How you ask, well, I have proved it each and every time I cook as I only cook with butter and salt everything. Well my sister’s MIL has a recipe for Christmas bark that is made from soda crackers, butter, brown sugar and chocolate chips. Of course I use SALTED crackers, and added a very liberal layer of fine ground pink sea salt on top!!!! I had to laugh as when MIL opened the container she exclaimed “OH THIS IS MY FAVOURITE!!!!” and ate the biggest piece available, and then proceeded to eat about half the container…… There was no swelling…..