We moved, and now you want to too!

So I currently am sitting here very pregnant and beyond frustrated.  Friday hubby received a phone call saying that his mom would really like to come over and visit with us Sunday morning.  Ok, no problem, any reason? She said that she would like to discuss with us her retirement hopefully at the end of this year around her birthday (November).  Uh, ok, that isn’t our decision but sure!  The next day hubby received another phone call from mom.  This time she starts freaking out telling him not to mention her possible retirement Sunday as her BF is coming and he doesn’t know about it yet….. FUCK lady grow up already!!! Who cares! It doesn’t matter anyways and this Jr. Highschool BS is just that, BS!!! I got upset with hubby after he hung up for that reason, I reminded him that this is the same thing that she was doing once she started dating and wanted me to tell hubby that she had a BF! Ummm, NO! I am about ready to go out and buy you a freaking pair of big girl underpants already since you turn 65 this fucking year, I think it’s about time you probably have a pair!!!  He has no say in if you retire or not.  Hell you kicked him out of the house months ago because you didn’t want to even discuss the possibility of his kids moving in (because they asked once), so NO he has NO SAY in if you choose to retire or not.  Just like hubby and I have no say!  Is it what you want to do?  Can you afford to do so?  Do you want to?  If the answers are YES, then FUCKING RETIRE!!!

Don’t worry, it gets better……

Backstory: At the beginning of December hubby and I purchased our first house!  We moved 1hr away from MIL (with no traffic, 1 1/2hr with) so really not that far away.  Plus, we all know how often she visited when we were 5-15 minutes away anyways.  We are still excited as it is a better commute for hubby to his work and a smaller town vibe (we live in a pretty close knit community with amazing neighbours!).  Housing prices were WAY more affordable this way, as quite literally the only way we would have been able to afford a house where we were was to honestly win the lottery.

After all of the freaking out about trying to make it our decision if she should retire or not (but don’t tell BF) we are dropped with another BOMBSHELL!!!! In case you are wondering, yup we aren’t allowed to tell her BF this one either!!! lol. In case you haven’t figured it out by now: YUP!!! We are told that she wants to MOVE CLOSER TO US!!!  The reason that she want’s to retire we are told is because she has “DECIDED that she wants to be become a grandma!”  Yup, you read that right!  Let me repeat: SHE HAS DECIDED SHE WANTS TO BE A GRANDMA!!!  Because she want’s to finally participate in our 19 month old son’s life and our second child’s life, means that she wants to move 15 minutes down the mountain from us and retire so that we can “hang out” during the week ALL THE TIME!!! YUP, apparently she has already started looking at condos.  SHOOT ME NOW! SERIOUSLY! PLEASE SHOOT ME!  I don’t even know how to respond to this especially since, ummm, she is forgetting that she has two other grandchildren too!  One is 15 (shit, maybe 16 next month!) and the other 10!  They live an hour the other direction from her (currently) and she actually is INVOLVED in their lives!  So…. she is going to become my BFF and always be at my house and forget all about her granddaughters?


We are then told that she want’s to spend all morning with little one so that they will be at our house bright and early Sunday morning at 7am!!!  No worries, hubby says as we are typically up by 5/6ish and little man goes for nap at 1, so you will have plenty of time to play.  Yup, they showed up just after 10.


We moved, and now you want to too!


So MIL’s birthday was a few days ago and instead we were in Banff with my parents.  My mom sent her a text message wishing her a most happy birthday (trying to get me brownie points and to keep the peace).  MIL’s response went something like this… “You are so lucky to get to see our little one.  I wish I was retired and that his sleep was better so that I could come and visit in the evenings.”

Ok, so perhaps you are wondering what is wrong with that statement? Let me explain: My parents are retired yes, but they live over 1200KM away… MIL lives 13km but works.  My parents have seen little one more times than MIL.  Also, what the hell does his shitty sleep have to do with not coming over?  Bedtime is between 6:30-7!  If you come after work for a few minutes he is a happy boy and would love to see his grandma I’m sure.  It is only after he is asleep that he doesn’t sleep (super long chunks that is) So FUCK OFF!  Come visit your fucking grandson and stop with the shitty bullshit excuses!  Plus, we are home all fucking weekends!!! What is stopping you from coming over in the afternoon???? Please explain your bullshit excuse more because nobody understands it!  Are you upset to hear that my son doesn’t make strange and reaches out to his grandparents who live so fucking far away because at least they make an effort to at least facetime with him so he hears their voices!  You live 13KM away!!!! He has NO idea who you are!!!  He doesn’t reach out for you, he could care less if you are around currently because sadly for him, you aren’t!  MIL, you would be pissed if you knew just how much he practically lunges out of my arms when he sees our landlady because he wants to chat and cuddle with that “grandma”!!!



Whose my MIL Round 2!

Welcome back folks to this weeks version of “Whose my MIL!”

Last week we established that if you choose contestant C YOU WON!!!

This week we are guessing on what day “Wednesday” is supposed to mean so that we can have your prize money awarded to you?

OK folks your answers are:

A) Friday

B) Sunday

C) Monday

D) Not Yet

If you choose answer D) NOT FUCKING YET! YOU WIN AGAIN!!!!!

Apparently keeping your word is hard.  Wednesday was the deadline that MIL established for herself, we didn’t make the deadline, SHE DID!  We the proceed to have radio silence until Friday when we were asked if we would prefer Cash or Cheque (I told hubby CASH and to get her to drop it off at the house as tiny human and I are not feeling well so we aren’t going out!)  Friday comes and goes with no MIL, so does Saturday.  Sunday is now here an hooray we have communication (and she initiated it too!)  We were out buying a swing for tiny human when we received a phone call saying that MIL finally has the cash!  Oh wait, she will come by tomorrow (Monday) to drop it off…….Monday is now upon us and I am getting tiny human ready for bed.  After feeding little one I turn to hubby and say “I thought Mom was coming over today?”  He responds with “Me too! I haven’t heard from her.”  He then proceeds to text her because this is getting fucking ridiculous now.  Her response, “I’ll drop it off tomorrow after work!”

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are a WEEK LATE on YOUR OWN DEADLINE!!!!!!  If you can’t even keep your own deadline, how the fuck do you get anything done on time at work?

I am really fucking hoping that she shows the fuck up tonight or I am going to loose my shit.  This is now fucking pathetic as you were the one who told your son WEDNESDAY!  That doesn’t mean that you can drop shit off any Wednesday that you wish instead of the one YOU specified.  I am also going to struggle to not be my polite Canadian self and say Thank You when you hand me over an envelope full of MY MONEY!  At this point, I really hope that tiny human is either needing to be fed or get ready for bed when MIL comes over so that we have an excuse to not be in the room.


ON another note, just to prove to you how simple my MIL is:  Sunday when she phoned she started to ask me about an old sewing machine that I gave her years ago.  Apparently she had cleaned it all up and was incredibly proud of herself for being able to fill a bobbin, but the damn thing just wouldn’t sew.  She started saying that all dials were turned correctly and you know the yellow one and the white one and the orange one? (UMM, WTF! NO I don’t know what they are, how about telling me what they look like, or where on the machine they are located so I have a half assed idea what you are talking about!)  I was able to deduce that A) She had her stitch length incredibly small and B) that there was something wrong with the needle. Either it was put in backwards or not all the way up…. I was told that in NO way was there anything wrong with the needle as she hasn’t touched it and that somehow it was my fault from when I gave it to her…….5 minutes later I get a text message saying that she didn’t put the needle all the way up and that was the issue. *FACEFUCKINGPALM*

Whose my MIL Round 2!

Whose My MIL?!

OK Everyone and welcome back to a new episode of “Whose My MIL!!!!”  Let’s meet the contestants:

Contestant A: Holy Shit! – A mom who actually surprised us all and remembered without       being prompted and showed up at the door with money!

Contestant B: Bitch Please! – A mom up to her usual tricks and full of excuses via text message.

and last but not least Contestant C: Fuck Off! – A mom who goes radio silent avoiding contacting either of us about money.

Whose Ready to play?!?!?!?!

The game is very simply.  We just need to guess which contestant is the closest to my MIL to win!


If you guessed Contestant C “Fuck Off!” then  YOU WIN!!!!!!!!!!!

Now Johnny tell the folks what they’ve won!

Actually the prize is quite small this go around as we have nothing to give since MIL has it!  That’s right, hubby came home from depositing his cheque in the bank and I asked if he heard from MIL and if I can then transfer the $ back to which he replied “NO! I haven’t heard from her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

There you have it folks.  Another easy game of “Guess My MIL”!

Stay tuned next week for another fun and exciting episode, and don’t forget next month is birthdays/thanksgiving (that is always a crowd pleaser!)

Whose My MIL?!

Forcing Visits

After discussing the whole MIL debacle with my own mother, we decided that I needed to take matters into my own hands and try an force MIL to see her grandson for hubby’s sake.  We decided that I “needed” to go shopping at a big box store near her house so that we can casually drop in on her.  The first part of the plan works without a charm, off to store we go in the morning and upon leaving I suggest that we just pop in for a visit.  Great idea right?!?!  NOPE! Hubby texts his mom waiting to see if that would work for her.  I responded with “that never works” and why don’t we just chance it?  “OH? That would NEVER work for her!?!”  That’s the fucking point! Let’s catch her so that she cannot make any more fucking excuses!  So of course we do not hear anything from MIL so back home we go.  Several hours pass before we get a phone call saying she missed his message, and that it would be a great idea if we pop in today…. We are already home!  Any ways thankfully we had to drive past her house later in the afternoon to head downtown for a friend’s birthday party, we can pop in on our way out.  Her response was, I shit you not “we SHOULD be home!”  Yes, SHOULD!!!! Then thankfully you hear in the background from BF “NO, we WILL be home!!!”  Yeah, a sane one in the relationship!

Tiny human decided to be sleepy just before 2pm so in his carseat he goes and off to grandma’s house.  Before going in his carseat he needed to get dressed.  I told hubby to put a onsie on him and that we have “hippos (from the birthday boy)” or “off to grandma’s house”, his choice!!! You guessed right, HIPPOS won!  Anyway, we get to grandma’s house and of course she is doing dishes and BF is cleaning the pool (yes, this is new and told us they bought it for our tiny human.  UMMMM, not this summer, he is only 2 fucking months old!)  Tiny human is asleep in his carseat for about an hour then decided to wake up.  I take him out to feed him and then dad burps.  He then asked if his mom wanted to hold her fucking grandson.  Thankfully for hubby’s sake she does….. For 10 minutes max.  OK no worries, at least she fucking saw him!

As we are getting ready to leave, she starts talking about how she got us these disposable dust masks for tiny human as we are heading to Saskatchewan in a few weeks for a family reunion.  Dust masks you ask, what the fuck for?  Well you know, since she works in a shop that puts together emergency kits, she figured that we would need some baby dust masks for like “dirt roads and in case there is like a fire and smoke and suck!”  UMMM, uh, ok, I guess…… Oh wait, she even forgot to give them to us!!!! LMFAO!

Forcing Visits

I don’t even know

I don’t even know where to begin.  When I was pregnant, I told everyone that chances are upon baby’s arrival that NO, MIL will not change her ways, and we will only see her on holidays and birthdays during the year and nothing more.  There are now 11 of us in the family and that means that we get together not 11 times (we combine birthdays and holidays!) but 5 times in a year… perhaps now 6.. (February=neice’s bday, April = easter and BIL’s bday, October = SIL, her BF and my bdays + Thanksgiving, November = MIL and Hubby’s Bday, December = MIL’s BF + Neice’s bday + Christmas, and now Jude’s bday in May). Everyone told me that NO WAY!!! She will show up randomly and come visit because she is a new grandma again and will be very excited to see the little one grow and cuddle with him especially since she lives so close!!!  Well I was hoping in my heart of hearts that I too would be wrong and that perhaps she would FINALLY RISE TO THE FUCKING OCCASION!?!!

Sadly, the answer is NO!  My son is 5 weeks + 4 days old today and can you guess the last time that MIL has been over to visit him????

If you guessed the day she was over because she felt obligated to make an appearance as my father (aka, papa) was here to meet little man then you would be correct!!! Now if you are thinking “WAIT!!! That was a month ago!!!!”  You would be CORRECT!  Yes, MIL lives 15 minutes away and has only come to visit little man during the first week of his life!

I agree, that is very sad.  I so incredibly wished that I was wrong with my prediction that this would be the case.  I also know that the next time that we will actually see her then will be in October.  Yes, if you do the math, that would make little one 4 1/2 months old, and that is really pathetic.

😦 WHY do you try and tell people that we are a “very close and loving family” when that is the farthest from the fucking truth as this plainly shows anyone!!!????!?!

I don’t even know

Happy Anniversary!

Today is hubby and mine 1st wedding anniversary.  To celebrate we decided to go out for a nice dinner just the two of us.  That seems pretty routine and standard does it not???  Apparently not in my world.  MIL sends boy a message mid weekend saying. “how about this restaurant at 6:30pm monday, our treat!” UMMM EXCUSE ME?! are you really fucking inviting yourself out for dinner with us, and I have to be ok with it because you want to pay? NO!  I loved husband’s response as he said to me “my mom has some really unappropriated timing!”  So husband-o-mine now feels guilty as he has to tell his mom that no, we don’t want to spend Monday night celebrating with her and her BF, we just want to be alone.  Needless to say, she didn’t respond to his decline, so most likely is now offended by the whole thing and crying in a corner.  I am sure that we will hear about how very inconsiderate of her feelings that was later on.  Now please excuse me while I go play in traffic!

Happy Anniversary!