Birthday Blues

Oldest son’s birthday is coming up. Hubby and I have decided to get him a balance bike, as he is only turning 2. Well, we had supper at MIL’s house the past weekend to celebrate BIL’s birthday. People ask what we are getting son, and I tell them. MIL’s BF instantly says, “OH! Don’t worry, I will get him one!!!” He then proceeds to start talking about his new job and how it will be stupid easy for him to get a bike, “heck, he can probably have one by the weekend……” BF apparently started another NEW job working for an Ebay power seller….. whatever that means. Apparently this guy thought averages $30K a month. Blah, blah, blah. I don’t care. I know that you are excited and want to help but please let us get our son his bike. I ask this because I have done hours of research and asking other mom’s about which bike and why. I have a VERY SPECIFIC bike in mind. Plus I said WE ARE BUYING IT at the beginning. I know he means well, but how do I say DON’T BUY A FUCKING BIKE!!!????

Son is going to be so overwhelmed at his birthday as my parents are coming and bringing my old kitchen centre from when I was little. Heck, that is ALL the toys he needs. We are very fortunate and have a basement of amazing toys from our friends that they have handed down to us that he doesn’t know exist yet. I know that everyone just gets excited and means the best, but seriously PLEASE DON’T BUY HIM ANY TOYS!!!!! I swear that if people get him any toys for his birthday that I am just going to put them away and donate them at Christmas time. Why is it sooooo hard to give him money for his RESP like we ask for each birthday and holiday???

I don’t know how to shout from the rooftops that NO MORE TOYS!!!

Oh, and it’s official, we are also hosting Christmas dinner at our house.
A) Shoot me now.
B) At least dinner will be eatable
C) Not making my munchkins travel at Christmas as they will be 2.5years and 11months old and the babies of the family. #stopmakingthebabiescometoyou

Birthday Blues

We moved, and now you want to too!

So I currently am sitting here very pregnant and beyond frustrated.  Friday hubby received a phone call saying that his mom would really like to come over and visit with us Sunday morning.  Ok, no problem, any reason? She said that she would like to discuss with us her retirement hopefully at the end of this year around her birthday (November).  Uh, ok, that isn’t our decision but sure!  The next day hubby received another phone call from mom.  This time she starts freaking out telling him not to mention her possible retirement Sunday as her BF is coming and he doesn’t know about it yet….. FUCK lady grow up already!!! Who cares! It doesn’t matter anyways and this Jr. Highschool BS is just that, BS!!! I got upset with hubby after he hung up for that reason, I reminded him that this is the same thing that she was doing once she started dating and wanted me to tell hubby that she had a BF! Ummm, NO! I am about ready to go out and buy you a freaking pair of big girl underpants already since you turn 65 this fucking year, I think it’s about time you probably have a pair!!!  He has no say in if you retire or not.  Hell you kicked him out of the house months ago because you didn’t want to even discuss the possibility of his kids moving in (because they asked once), so NO he has NO SAY in if you choose to retire or not.  Just like hubby and I have no say!  Is it what you want to do?  Can you afford to do so?  Do you want to?  If the answers are YES, then FUCKING RETIRE!!!

Don’t worry, it gets better……

Backstory: At the beginning of December hubby and I purchased our first house!  We moved 1hr away from MIL (with no traffic, 1 1/2hr with) so really not that far away.  Plus, we all know how often she visited when we were 5-15 minutes away anyways.  We are still excited as it is a better commute for hubby to his work and a smaller town vibe (we live in a pretty close knit community with amazing neighbours!).  Housing prices were WAY more affordable this way, as quite literally the only way we would have been able to afford a house where we were was to honestly win the lottery.

After all of the freaking out about trying to make it our decision if she should retire or not (but don’t tell BF) we are dropped with another BOMBSHELL!!!! In case you are wondering, yup we aren’t allowed to tell her BF this one either!!! lol. In case you haven’t figured it out by now: YUP!!! We are told that she wants to MOVE CLOSER TO US!!!  The reason that she want’s to retire we are told is because she has “DECIDED that she wants to be become a grandma!”  Yup, you read that right!  Let me repeat: SHE HAS DECIDED SHE WANTS TO BE A GRANDMA!!!  Because she want’s to finally participate in our 19 month old son’s life and our second child’s life, means that she wants to move 15 minutes down the mountain from us and retire so that we can “hang out” during the week ALL THE TIME!!! YUP, apparently she has already started looking at condos.  SHOOT ME NOW! SERIOUSLY! PLEASE SHOOT ME!  I don’t even know how to respond to this especially since, ummm, she is forgetting that she has two other grandchildren too!  One is 15 (shit, maybe 16 next month!) and the other 10!  They live an hour the other direction from her (currently) and she actually is INVOLVED in their lives!  So…. she is going to become my BFF and always be at my house and forget all about her granddaughters?


We are then told that she want’s to spend all morning with little one so that they will be at our house bright and early Sunday morning at 7am!!!  No worries, hubby says as we are typically up by 5/6ish and little man goes for nap at 1, so you will have plenty of time to play.  Yup, they showed up just after 10.


We moved, and now you want to too!

Adulting is Hard

We were walking around the hardware stores this past weekend and it started to pour.  The car was left at the last store and sadly MIL’s house was closer.  Instead of getting tiny human sopping wet, we decided to head to MIL’s house so that he could eat his lunch while being dry and send dad to get the car.  This is when we found out just how hard it is to be an adult!  SIL is turning 39 this year!  She has two kids, lives on her own with kids and BF.  She has a full time job and so does he.  SOOOOO…… can someone please tell me why the fuck the following is still happening:

A) She still gets government subsidies for being a “single mom”.

B) MIL co-signed a car loan.

C) MIL paid to get SIL’s taxes done with hers, and thus paid someone $250 to do it!

D) SIL still gets a $100/month ALLOWANCE from MIL!!!!!!!



Seriously, we all have had to grow up at sometime!  Both the boys in the family don’t get any of the above treatment.  SIL is the oldest one of the kids too…….(unless you ask MIL, who introduces hubby as such.  Middle child is the new oldest?)

I told hubby this on the drive home as MIL was basically telling me all of this while tiny human was eating lunch and the accountant came over.  Boasting about SIL’s taxes like they were public knowledge and that “you know, it’s really hard for her?!”  IS IT?!?! Or has she just never had to grow up because you allow her to act like a fucking 5 year old.  Why not just wipe her ass while you are at it?

Adulting is Hard

Texting Excuses

So lately I have started to receive text’s again from MIL. I had been taken off the text train a while ago, and honestly I was ok with it. Sadly they are back. Of course they are incredibly infuriating and full of BS! Today’s text was:

“Hi honey. The cold hit our house that is why we didn’t come up this weekend. BF was really sick. Hope I don’t get it. Hope you guys are all well. Love you all”

So, this doesn’t sound like a bad message all in all until you realise that we got a similar message the past few weeks in a row! We didn’t even know that she was pondering on coming on by to visit, but no big deal. Just why bother sending me a bullshit fucking excuse again and again. Just don’t say anything! Seriously, why fucking bother?!?!

Texting Excuses

Christmas Soup

Well it’s that time of the year again when we get the pleasure of going to MIL’s and being forced to decorate her christmas tree (yes she makes the granddaughters decorate even if they protest!).  With that brings “christmas soup!!!” YES! I love soup!!! I have pumpkin soup in my fridge right now!

…. Oh wait! Remember last years “soup”…. aka water with chicken chunks….. this year was a repeat.

Open package of no salt chicken broth, mix in unseasoned processed chicken pieces and egg noodles.  For fancy option add shredded carrots from a bag…. This year we got the FANCY carrot option.

Needless to say I fucking dread Christmas soup day! I had a salt shaker and bottle of hot sauce by the door ready to go so that I could at least choke it down.  Of course I forgot it. 😦 FUCK now I’m really fucked!!!!

Or am I?!??!!!!

Well, we play around.  By that I mean that I play with my son on the floor while Grandma watches from a far.  Everyone afraid to touch him like he is some sort of Faberge egg.  UMMM he is 6 months! He can sit up by himself, he will stand if you give him your hands and so on….. He’s got this, and won’t break.

Anyways, nap time comes upon us.  Hubby has set up the playpen in MIL’s room so that we can try for a nap!  Well, tiny human is just not having a nap.  He has cried for 45 minutes and is like “FUCK THIS! I want to go home!!!”  So hubby goes and hurriedly eats some shitty soup to save some face to his mom?  I start packing up all our shit and everyone is like ” OH? what are you doing?”  Are you fucking blind and deaf?  My son is howling and I am clearly packing up his toys and taking them to the car!  Anyways, MIL starts talking like “oh I will just pack you some soup up to go!”  I respond with “NO THANKS!”  Hubby says we don’t have time, as he knows that once tiny human is in his car seat that we are gone! We don’t have 15 minutes for you to dick around and let some soup cool so that you can send me home with some…. She gets a little huffy because of it but I honestly don’t care anymore.  Then as I am getting tiny human in his car seat and my jacket on, everyone starts coming to the door and NOW wanting to Fucking visit!!! FUCK OFF!! Seriously, just fuck off!!! No I am not fucking around, as son is still yelling! No I’m not waiting for fucking soup and not going to now tell you how I’m doing and chatting.  Hurry up and give me a fucking hug goodbye if you want, as you had 2.5 hours previously to tell me all the shit going on in your life to which you didn’t.  Now is the wrong fucking time to realise that I’m here too.

Baby locked and loaded, hubby out the door and heading home.  Of course tiny human doesn’t fall asleep right away, but half way home…. Hubby asks if we should take the LONG way home! Thank goodness, as he needs this nap desperately.  In order to extend the trip too, we hubby proceeds to the drive thru of a Tim Horton’s to order me a sandwich as I haven’t eaten!

Oh and just because I’m a big bitch, I decided to make some Christmas bark as a treat for everyone.  MIL and SIL both say that salt and butter are bad for you and that it makes them sick and that they just swell up immediately if they have ANY salt.  I’m calling BULLSHIT!!!! How you ask, well, I have proved it each and every time I cook as I only cook with butter and salt everything.  Well my sister’s MIL has a recipe for Christmas bark that is made from soda crackers, butter, brown sugar and chocolate chips.  Of course I use SALTED crackers, and added a very liberal layer of fine ground pink sea salt on top!!!!  I had to laugh as when MIL opened the container she exclaimed “OH THIS IS MY FAVOURITE!!!!” and ate the biggest piece available, and then proceeded to eat about half the container…… There was no swelling…..

Christmas Soup

Another round of birthdays…

We just had another round of birthdays that brought us again to MIL’s house for the afternoon.  I don’t even think I really need to say more on that subject lol. Before leaving I dug out our travel books to Ireland because BIL and GF are heading to Ireland and Spain in the spring for a holiday but haven’t told MIL because she will then turn into a mom and treat him like he is 5 and panic beyond belief.  In order to get away with this as a secret covert mission, I had to fashion a book jacket out of some heavy gauge paper that I had so that nobody could see what that it was a travel guide and preemptively panic over NOTHING!

I did have to bite my tongue once though as everyone was talking about disciplining children.  SIL doesn’t….. and says that she wants to be their friends and even later in the day said that the 9 year old is the boss of the house 😦 .  Then MIL pipes up and says that she never hit any of her children, she only remained very calm and said that she was disappointed in them.  The reason I had to bite my tongue to this was because she may not have spanked her own children but I have fucking witnessed you spank your fucking grand-daughter!!!! Don’t get me wrong, a spank was very well warranted, but not from fucking grandma!!! And especially when mom was in the room.  But thankfully that was a few years ago and there will be NO FUCKING WAY that you will EVER do that to my child or I will loose my shit.  Who are we kidding, I will fly my mom out here to babysit before leaving him with MIL!

Pumpkin photos: For halloween hubby hollowed out a big pumpkin, carved out the back and two leg holes so that we could have the obligatory baby in a pumpkin photo.  If you look at the photo you can clearly tell that it was a real pumpkin.  MIL is so fucking dense that the first question she has for hubby was “was that a real pumpkin?  Heavens to goodness that was a fake pumpkin right?”  UMmmm…. NO!  It was a real fucking pumpkin.  LOL it was way cheaper than having to go and buy a fake pumpkin to carve up.  *facepalm* (in my head, just breathe, you only just got here and have a few more hours of this bullshit to go… breathe…. repeat song that you sing to tiny human to calm him down – Zee Frank – chillout song or you will seriously go mental!)

As we were leaving I got more insight to the whole text message to my mom about not being able to visit her grandson….. We are getting our shoes on and she says “You guys feel free to pop in anytime as we would love to see more of him!”  I actually spoke up and said “NO! NO! YOU feel free to pop over anytime!  We are home all of the time! Bedtime is between 6:30-7 and we are home the majority of weekends!  It is WAY EASIER for YOU to come to him then us bring him always to you.  He is only able to be awake 2.5 hours currently, so by us coming to you we have to have him in a carseat 2x of which consist of 20-30 minutes each way to get to your house, which is half of his awake window!  SO NO, if you want to see your grandson, come to see him at his house, with his toys and his surroundings!!!”  I was quite shocked but proud of myself for sticking up!  The look on her face was like “oh, i never thought of that before!”  I resisted slapping her at least.  Now the funny part will be if she actually does it or not.  My guess is not because that is out of her comfort zone.  Everyone has to cater to her as she cannot be bothered to see how it inconveniences others.

Another round of birthdays…


So MIL’s birthday was a few days ago and instead we were in Banff with my parents.  My mom sent her a text message wishing her a most happy birthday (trying to get me brownie points and to keep the peace).  MIL’s response went something like this… “You are so lucky to get to see our little one.  I wish I was retired and that his sleep was better so that I could come and visit in the evenings.”

Ok, so perhaps you are wondering what is wrong with that statement? Let me explain: My parents are retired yes, but they live over 1200KM away… MIL lives 13km but works.  My parents have seen little one more times than MIL.  Also, what the hell does his shitty sleep have to do with not coming over?  Bedtime is between 6:30-7!  If you come after work for a few minutes he is a happy boy and would love to see his grandma I’m sure.  It is only after he is asleep that he doesn’t sleep (super long chunks that is) So FUCK OFF!  Come visit your fucking grandson and stop with the shitty bullshit excuses!  Plus, we are home all fucking weekends!!! What is stopping you from coming over in the afternoon???? Please explain your bullshit excuse more because nobody understands it!  Are you upset to hear that my son doesn’t make strange and reaches out to his grandparents who live so fucking far away because at least they make an effort to at least facetime with him so he hears their voices!  You live 13KM away!!!! He has NO idea who you are!!!  He doesn’t reach out for you, he could care less if you are around currently because sadly for him, you aren’t!  MIL, you would be pissed if you knew just how much he practically lunges out of my arms when he sees our landlady because he wants to chat and cuddle with that “grandma”!!!