Birthdays…

I think it’s safe to say that I don’t enjoy my birthday. I just want a quiet dinner with hubby and son and no fuss no muss. The last few years hubby and I have been trying to STOP CARDS! They are stupid expensive and just get recycled. So after the whole craziness of MIL not listening to me about my birthday of course, what does she do? Well she comes over in the morning to drop off a card and present on my doorstep. Please note that the blinds were open, the lights on and son and I were making coffee/breakfast in the kitchen while singing. Did she knock? Nope! I received a text message saying to look on my doorstep. Ok you don’t even want to say a quick hi or get a hug from your grandson? That’s sad. You don’t have to say anything to me, but that doesn’t mean you should ignore him too. ūüėĒ ¬†Anyways, I open the door to find a card with some crappy tea (yes I am a tea snob and she knows that as I always bring my own. Hell, I usually leave a bag of tea there in case i forget) and a creepy fucking big eyed owl stuffy. So the stuffy goes in son’s room. In the card was a chapters gift card. Ok I’ll take¬†that as we are building up son’s library. But both of us jumped and he started to cry when I opened up the fucking card…. What card do you get for someone who says “please don’t as it is a waste of money!”???? You get them the most obnoxious annoying fucking card on the planet!!! Oh wait, it cost $8!!!!! $8!!! For a fucking card! That’s insane right??? ¬† Needless to say, yes it is currently waiting outside in the pouring rain waiting to be picked up by the recycling truck… ūüėĒ

 

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Birthdays…

Thanksgiving

Before heading out for Thanksgiving dinner at MIL’s house a super cute thing happened. ¬†Tiny human was helping me get the laundry out of the dryer when our landlords were at the front door. ¬†Every time they see tiny human they always come to say hi. ¬†This was no exception. ¬†The thing was that tiny human knows this and instantly reaches out his arms for “grandma” to pick him up!!! This is the second time in a matter of 3 days that he has done this to her. ¬†Her husband was quite shocked and pleasantly surprised. ¬†She felt so bad because she just had eye surgery and is unable to do any lifting or anything for 2 weeks. ¬†But It is amazing how tiny human knows and loves her so much! ¬†Now, tune in when he shows up at his actual grandma’s house and only reaches for mom and dad!

So in traditional shit show fashion, this thanksgiving was no different. ¬†SIL was all upset because her BF had to work until 5pm. ¬†Then got angry at him because he didn’t have his phone on him in the warehouse (they were busy and it isn’t allowed)! ¬†UMMMM he’s at fucking work and you are trying to call him to say that you are headed to pick him up for dinner. ¬†That is some complete bullshit to get mad at someone for. ¬†Hubby and I looked at one another and were like “Ummm, if you call me at work, it better be a fucking emergency! ¬†Also, you would then call the shop directly so I know it’s important, not my fucking cell phone which is usually NEVER allowed to be on at any workplace!” ¬†She then left to go get him anyways, but came back 15 minutes later flying in like a hurricane bitching that he wasn’t there. ¬†On her way there he sent her a txt saying that things were backed up and that he was going to be late, so not to worry he will get to MIL’s house on his own. ¬†Well it might as well been world war 3! ¬†GROW THE FUCK UP!!!!! Work sometimes comes first. ¬†Be thankful that he actually has some work ethic, and has actually held down the same job for the whole time that you guys have been together (which is a first)!

Supper was supposed to be at “5pm sharp!” according to MIL. ¬†Is this why SIL was in a tizzy? ¬†Because she wouldn’t be there for the start of dinner because that is closing time for BF? ¬†Trivial shit people! ¬†Apparently this had been going on for some time before we arrived as people were at MIL’s house for 2pm. ¬†We showed up at 3:45 (he woke up at 3) because I said that I’m not fucking with 2 of tiny human’s naps, especially when we are trying desperately to be more and more consistent with him in his crib for ALL sleep. ¬†So of course that was unacceptable but FUCK YOU! ¬†We still brought the playpen because tiny human will need his last nap of the day at about 5:15 (we also stated that WE WILL LEAVE your house at 6pm!!!) because bedtime is approximately 7:30 and we are being consistent so that he can get his sleep better.

We brought mashed potatoes and butter/honey roasted sweet potatoes. ¬†In case you are wondering, YES I did eat before leaving the house so that I would only have to choke down one piece of “turkey loaf, or oven warmed Ham lunch loaf”! ¬†MIL and her low fat/no fat ways but loving my full fat cooking, couldn’t get enough of the sweet potatoes. ¬†Hubby told her that there was brown sugar in them hence the sweetness. ¬†She told me several times that she really hates sweet potatoes, but for some reason really loved these ones and can she keep the one spoonful of left overs?? ¬†Of course you can! ¬†Why? It’s because they are roasted in about 8T of BUTTER!!! That’s right, butter, salt and cinnamon! There is no fucking sugar in them. ¬†Butter and salt make shit taste better! ¬†Oh and yes there was a shit ton of butter and cream cheese in the mashed potatoes that she scarfed down too. ¬†I also left the skins on which is apparently a huge no no too, but again everything that I cooked had NO LEFTOVERS!!!! ¬†Come on people, butter and salt!!!!! It’s a good thing when cooking.

Tiny human was NOT having his nap at grandma’s house as there was just far too much things to see and do. ¬†So I hung out with him in MIL’s room to try and keep him calm for a bit. ¬†After I knew that hubby was done eating, 5:45 we came out so that I could quickly politely eat something so we can run. ¬†I told him everyone that he was incredibly overtired and over stimulated so please just try to ignore him…. Of course that was fucking ignored. ¬†As hubby was getting tiny human ready to go, MIL turns on every light in the house and gets right up in baby’s face! ¬†For 10 minutes she is right in his face going “oh you are so tired, but you are so cute! ¬†Give me some smiles! ¬†… oh, hello there! ¬†How are you?!?!” ¬†What part of he is OVER FUCKING STIMULATED do you not get!?!! ¬†At the same time SIL is doing the same thing. ¬†GRRRRRRR…… you both have kids and should understand that what you are doing is the exact opposite! ¬†I am thankful that we just left right away.

There were two things that we were unable to discuss or up for discussion during thanksgiving. ¬†I got hubby to be very explicit that there will be NO MORE celebrating my birthday, and don’t ask me any fucking questions about tiny human’s sleep!!! (because NO I won’t give him some formula just so that he will sleep at night – FUCK OFF!) ¬†Because of this, of course the first question out of MIL’s mouth when we arrived was “how is he sleeping?” I responded with “WE AREN’T DISCUSSING THIS!!!” ¬†She then proceeded to 5 minutes later ask hubby all about how his sleep is currently getting crap (but slowly getting better)…..As we are getting our shoes on, with her face still in tiny human’s face (2inches away, yes it was right in his carseat) she is saying goodbye to him as he is rubbing his eyes continuously as that’s how fucking exhausted he is! ¬†She then proceeds to tell me “Well, I kept up my end of the BARGAIN! I will call you in a few days! ¬†Don’t worry, his sleep will eventually get better!!!” ¬†……………….. ……………… ………………… BARGAIN?!?!!? ¬†There was no fucking bargain. ¬†I was polite and requesting not celebrating my birthday for the past few years, now this year it was a DEMAND! ¬†FUCK OFF! ¬†By mentioning that, do you not realise that you also just reneged on that!?!?! ¬†I looked at her with a blank face, took tiny human and opened the door. ¬†She then turns to hubby and repeats the same thing……. ¬†FUCK YOU!!!!!!! FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!!! What part of this shit is so very hard to get? ¬†Needless to say I am not going to answer in the off chance that she actually does phone me (I have a feeling that it will accidentally be on “silent”) but let’s face it, she will only send a txt message which is easier to ignore.

Thanksgiving

Birthdays

It should be no surprise by now that I hate celebrating my birthday. ¬†This year something has gotten under my skin even more. ¬†I feel that for whatever reason so many people I know feel even more entitled to their birthdays. ¬†By this I mean, I need two hands to count the number of bickering people because something else more important is happening on the day that they wanted to celebrate their birthdays….. For example, SIL bought her BF concert tickets and is now having a hissy fit because she just realised that it is the same day that she wanted to go out partying with friends. ¬†Side note, she is turning 38! ¬†To you I say “GROW THE FUCK UP!!!” ¬†This is sadly just one example from this year, and I could fill several pages with the stories I have been apart of. ¬†The difference is that this year I am standing up for myself!

MIL asked hubby what I wanted for my birthday. I said calmly that I really don’t want anything like I have for every year that she has known me. ¬†I then followed it up with “and please don’t purchase anything for my son as a replacement! ¬†I don’t want there to be a new toy or gift every time we see grandma.” ¬†To which the message has again not been understood by MIL. ¬†When I say, “please do not get me anything for my birthday” that is what I honestly mean. ¬†I am not being passive aggressive and meaning that I will be upset if you don’t get me anything. ¬†No, there will be no tantrum for that! BUT, after being asked again what I want, this is my response to hubby (to pass on):

” I have been doing a lot of thinking in regards to my birthday. ¬†I know that your mom means well by asking what I want, but all I really want is to have a quiet dinner with hubby and son. ¬†I really don’t want any cards, cake or to b sung to. ¬†I want to celebrate thanksgiving and I will celebrate SIL & her BF’s birthdays. ¬†What I don’t want to do is feel forced to celebrate mine because it will make others happy and it only make me miserable. ¬†If i am miserable does that not negate the good intentions in the first place? ¬†I have asked this for the past few years now and would really appreciate my wishes to be respected. ¬†Again, I know it is meant well, but I really don’t like birthdays!”

I am fucking hope that she finally gets the message. ¬†Knowing my luck though it will result in her having a crying fest and being needed to be consoled… FML, can’t we all just put on our big girl panties? ¬†The sad thing is that of all the people celebrating their birthdays recently I am the youngest. ¬†At this point, I believe that birthdays should only be celebrated on major milestones, not every fucking year. ¬†If you want a present, go buy it yourself because chances are that someone will buy you the wrong colour anyways.

 

Birthdays

Tuesday

Tuesday! Not Wednesday, but the following Tuesday! That’s how long it takes to keep your word. I swear you only kept it because your son asked Monday for his cash back. The best part was that you couldn’t even get out of your own car and bring it in the house. Instead you phoned your son to say that you are outside the house so he needs to come and get it! ¬†Another win for Grandma if the year award! Tiny human is getting over a cold and so her response was, I don’t want to come in just in case…. ¬†So another excuse as to not visit or even look at her grandson. ¬†At least we finally have out fucking money back. ¬†On that note I better go double check that it’s all there because who are we kidding, I don’t trust her one iota anymore!

Tuesday

Whose my MIL Round 2!

Welcome back folks to this weeks version of “Whose my MIL!”

Last week we established that if you choose contestant C YOU WON!!!

This week we are guessing on what day “Wednesday” is supposed to mean so that we can have your prize money awarded to you?

OK folks your answers are:

A) Friday

B) Sunday

C) Monday

D) Not Yet

If you choose answer D) NOT FUCKING YET! YOU WIN AGAIN!!!!!

Apparently keeping your word is hard. ¬†Wednesday was the deadline that MIL established for herself, we didn’t make the deadline, SHE DID! ¬†We the proceed to have radio silence until Friday when we were asked if we would prefer Cash or Cheque (I told hubby CASH and to get her to drop it off at the house as tiny human and I are not feeling well so we aren’t going out!) ¬†Friday comes and goes with no MIL, so does Saturday. ¬†Sunday is now here an hooray we have communication (and she initiated it too!) ¬†We were out buying a swing for tiny human when we received a phone call saying that MIL finally has the cash! ¬†Oh wait, she will come by tomorrow (Monday) to drop it off…….Monday is now upon us and I am getting tiny human ready for bed. ¬†After feeding little one I turn to hubby and say “I thought Mom was coming over today?” ¬†He responds with “Me too! I haven’t heard from her.” ¬†He then proceeds to text her because this is getting fucking ridiculous now. ¬†Her response, “I’ll drop it off tomorrow after work!”

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are a WEEK LATE on YOUR OWN DEADLINE!!!!!! ¬†If you can’t even keep your own deadline, how the fuck do you get anything done on time at work?

I am really fucking hoping that she shows the fuck up tonight or I am going to loose my shit. ¬†This is now fucking pathetic as you were the one who told your son WEDNESDAY! ¬†That doesn’t mean that you can drop shit off any Wednesday that you wish instead of the one YOU specified. ¬†I am also going to struggle to not be my polite Canadian self and say Thank You when you hand me over an envelope full of MY MONEY! ¬†At this point, I really hope that tiny human is either needing to be fed or get ready for bed when MIL comes over so that we have an excuse to not be in the room.

 

ON another note, just to prove to you how simple my MIL is: ¬†Sunday when she phoned she started to ask me about an old sewing machine that I gave her years ago. ¬†Apparently she had cleaned it all up and was incredibly proud of herself for being able to fill a bobbin, but the damn thing just wouldn’t sew. ¬†She started saying that all dials were turned correctly and you know the yellow one and the white one and the orange one? (UMM, WTF! NO I don’t know what they are, how about telling me what they look like, or where on the machine they are located so I have a half assed idea what you are talking about!) ¬†I was able to deduce that A) She had her stitch length incredibly small and B) that there was something wrong with the needle. Either it was put in backwards or not all the way up…. I was told that in NO way was there anything wrong with the needle as she hasn’t touched it and that somehow it was my fault from when I gave it to her…….5 minutes later I get a text message saying that she didn’t put the needle all the way up and that was the issue. *FACEFUCKINGPALM*

Whose my MIL Round 2!

Whose My MIL?!

OK Everyone and welcome back to a new episode of “Whose My MIL!!!!” ¬†Let’s meet the contestants:

Contestant A: Holy Shit! РA mom who actually surprised us all and remembered without       being prompted and showed up at the door with money!

Contestant B: Bitch Please! – A mom up to her usual tricks and full of excuses via text message.

and last but not least Contestant C: Fuck Off! – A mom who goes radio silent avoiding contacting either of us about money.

Whose Ready to play?!?!?!?!

The game is very simply.  We just need to guess which contestant is the closest to my MIL to win!

……..

If you guessed Contestant C “Fuck Off!” then ¬†YOU WIN!!!!!!!!!!!

Now Johnny tell the folks what they’ve won!

Actually the prize is quite small this go around as we have nothing to give since MIL has it! ¬†That’s right, hubby came home from depositing his cheque in the bank and I asked if he heard from MIL and if I can then transfer the $ back to which he replied “NO! I haven’t heard from her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

There you have it folks. ¬†Another easy game of “Guess My MIL”!

Stay tuned next week for another fun and exciting episode, and don’t forget next month is birthdays/thanksgiving (that is always a crowd pleaser!)

Whose My MIL?!

Weekend BBQ

This past week was huge for our tiny human. ¬†He flew on an airplane, met his extended family including his great-grandma, took a 4 hour road trip, flew home again to celebrate his 3 month birthday and also have a bbq at other grandma’s house (MIL) to see his extended family on that side. ¬†Yes, that is what we are talking about today. ¬†One afternoon of shenanigans! ¬†It really is amazing at how messed up we can make a 4 hour visit. ¬†Saturday was the day where we finally met MIL’s BF’s kids (ok 2/3 of them). ¬†They are 12, 10 & 6, yes that means that MIL has grandkids older (14&8). ¬†The oldest stayed home but what was interesting was how when we arrived, MIL introduced hubby to the kids as “the oldest!” UMMMM…. Have you forgotten the order of your children???? He is the middle child!!! Or is it because he has never been able to be a child? ¬†That’s odd thing #1.

Odd thing #2: SIL and Creepy BF got engaged. ¬†This happened a few weeks ago. ¬†We weren’t really sure if it was for real or not because it wasn’t all over Facebook (like the rest of their lives) and MIL didn’t mention ANYTHING about it when we have talked to her a few times since. ¬†Heck, she didn’t even say a word and instead walked away to do some other task when we were all stilling around congratulating them.

Odd thing #3: MIL pretty much ignored EVERYONE! ¬†She was in her own little world. ¬†I was inside the house changing little one and then we decided to do some tummy time, since we weren’t awake enough at home to do some. ¬†Well he squeaks and squawks during it all the time. ¬†He wasn’t crying. ¬†I don’t think that he was down for more than a minute when she decided that he had enough and scooped him up for a 2 minute cuddle before proceeding to hand hi back to me.

Odd thing #4: We knew that this one was going to happen. ¬†MIL’s BF’s Mom…. yes that would make her “temporary great-grandma” (hubby’s words!) was more excited to cuddle little one than anyone else. ¬†The second that he woke up from his nap and I took him out of his car seat she was over the moon and asked right away for cuddles!

Odd thing #5: SIL gives daughter shit for using the word “Goof” and her explanation is “you’ll find out why it’s bad when you are older!” ¬†Apparently I live under a rock because neither hubby or I understood why it was a bad word…. Hello Urban Dictionary: apparently “goof” is:¬†a goof is a child molester in prison that likes young boys.they must be kept in protective custody. quite often murdered or beaten into comas……. UMMM ok, so turns out that we just don’t hang out with lots of people who go to prison!!!!

Odd thing #6: BIL and GF apparently have some big travel plans coming up but “aren’t ready to divulge anything more at them moment!” ¬†This was quite quickly shut down by BIL when asked where they are planning on holidaying next by Temporary great-grandma. ¬†Most likely because they don’t want MIL to worry so far in advance….. As that is all she does.

 

BUT THE PIECE DE RESISTANCE:

We get a text message earlier that morning. ¬†Let me stress again…. A TEXT MESSAGE, not a phone call from MIL. ¬†Apparently their water heater broke and she needs money. ¬†Please bring a cheque for 1G!… oh wait, make sure that I can cash it today because the repair men don’t accept cheques, on second thought, why don’t you just go to the bank on your way here and bring me cash! ¬†YES, she didn’t even have the gall to phone to ask for money, it was via TEXT MESSAGE!!! ¬†Between her and her BF, they have 0 savings either. ¬†We were told that if we didn’t get her the money, that she wouldn’t be able to pay her mortgage that month….. You and BF both work full time. ¬†What the fuck are you doing with your money that you have to borrow money from your son? Call me crazy but I was taught to have a “rainy day fund” for shit like this. ¬†On top of all of this, we are currently not brining in as much $ ourselves per month because I am on maternity leave. ¬†Things are fine on our end as well WE HAVE A FUCKING SAVINGS ACCOUNT FOR SHIT LIKE THIS and then some, but come on! HOLY FUCK BALLS!!! Again, let your son be your fucking son and not have to continually save your fucking ass each and every time you get into a pinch. ¬†How about you put on your big girl panties and figure shit out for yourself for once?!?!¬†¬†Apparently we are supposed to see this money come back this Wednesday…… I am curious if we get it back that quickly. ¬†If so, she sure as shit better drive out to us to drop it off as I am not coming to her house to pick it up!

Weekend BBQ