Adulting is Hard

We were walking around the hardware stores this past weekend and it started to pour.  The car was left at the last store and sadly MIL’s house was closer.  Instead of getting tiny human sopping wet, we decided to head to MIL’s house so that he could eat his lunch while being dry and send dad to get the car.  This is when we found out just how hard it is to be an adult!  SIL is turning 39 this year!  She has two kids, lives on her own with kids and BF.  She has a full time job and so does he.  SOOOOO…… can someone please tell me why the fuck the following is still happening:

A) She still gets government subsidies for being a “single mom”.

B) MIL co-signed a car loan.

C) MIL paid to get SIL’s taxes done with hers, and thus paid someone $250 to do it!

D) SIL still gets a $100/month ALLOWANCE from MIL!!!!!!!

 

WHAT THE UTTER FUCK!?!?!

Seriously, we all have had to grow up at sometime!  Both the boys in the family don’t get any of the above treatment.  SIL is the oldest one of the kids too…….(unless you ask MIL, who introduces hubby as such.  Middle child is the new oldest?)

I told hubby this on the drive home as MIL was basically telling me all of this while tiny human was eating lunch and the accountant came over.  Boasting about SIL’s taxes like they were public knowledge and that “you know, it’s really hard for her?!”  IS IT?!?! Or has she just never had to grow up because you allow her to act like a fucking 5 year old.  Why not just wipe her ass while you are at it?

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Adulting is Hard

Sunday afternoon visits

So after a month of BS excuse after BS excuse we are finally told that we are going to be graced with MIL’s presence to visit her grandson.  OK sure, I’ll believe it when I see it!  Apparently she decided that she was going to come over last week when tiny human and I were away to visit, then got upset because we didn’t tell her that we were going anywhere.  UMMM, I never knew that I needed your permission to go to my parent’s house!  So a few days after our return, I am told that she is going to come over…. you know, to ensure that we are safe from our trip.

…….Breathe, resist punching MIL in the face!….

Flying to my parent’s is a 1hr, 15min flight.  A puddle jump.  It takes longer to get to the airport then the actual flight itself.  Also, this is something that we have been doing quite frequently, but whatever.

I am advised that Sunday at 3pm we are to expect our visit.  It is now 2:45 and I am getting anxious.  I don’t want her to show up… I am angry and frustrated today and really have NO patience for her bullshit.  3pm comes and goes, and now so does 3:30.  Anxiety slowly lowering as perhaps she will bail after all.  FUCK my life! 4pm and there is a knock at the door… FUCK they showed up!  Quick, slap a smile on your face and resist any punches or calling of any and all BS!!!

Come in and a weak fake hug later and everyone is sitting on the living room floor.  Tiny human is VERY CAUTIOUS about these new people in his play space who are trying desperately to get into his personal space and touching him.  He instantly crawls to me and climbs up getting as tiny as he can in my arms (he is a big boy, so this is hard lol).  I know that my nerves do not help this situation either, but he these are random people to him also.  We have to lure him to her by having her hold his polar bear and toothbrush (two current favourite toys) and even then it takes some time.  While he is there he constantly looks back at dad and I to ensure that this is ok.

He spotted her watch as it is gold and shiny!  Of course he tried to take it off, like any baby would do.  It is small and dainty and a complete choking hazard to which I have to politely tell her to keep it on her fucking wrist and not let him play with it!  Tiny human is standing now with toothbrush in his mouth and turns to try and walk back to me.  Well HOLY FUCK BALLS BATMAN! You would of thought that the world was falling in with her reaction! Not because he was standing, not because he was trying to walk independently, but because he was standing with his toothbrush in his mouth and heaven forbid if he should fall and choke on it!  She then proceeds to grab the toothbrush away from him and brush his teeth for him…. He uses it as a teether, and is getting frustrated as she won’t give it back to him!  Dad actually pipes up and says “he does it HIMSELF all the time!!! He is ok.”  She then responds with, “well, I just don’t want him to choke on it!”  Maybe if you actually showed the fuck up you would realise that he is more than capable of doing these actions.  He does them every fucking day and has done so for MONTHS!!!!!  Let me repeat that …. MONTHS!!!  So don’t treat him like he is a new born, he is 10 months old and is very independent.

Supper time is now quickly approaching and he is getting hungry.  As I am in the kitchen chopping veggies for stir fry, I hand him a duck puff to tide him over.  Panic ensues as he shoved it in his mouth!!! OH NO!!! HE is going to CHOKE!!!……. Now both hubby and I are telling her to calm the fuck down already! We wouldn’t give them to him if he couldn’t have or handle them.  They dissolve almost instantly and it’s not like he isn’t also surrounded by adults.  She has now said for 15 minutes that they are leaving.  I’m thinking “great as I’m just about to plate supper and thus we can eat together like normal.”  Throw that out the window.  Hubby gets tiny human in his chair and tray on.  I place diced veggies and meat on his tray to which he starts picking at.  Well, this is now quite a hit show to see, especially since there is broccoli on there too.  She flat out says she is refuses to leave until he eats his broccoli!!!  She gets closer and leans in to force him to eat the broccoli when we have to intervene and say that he will eat what he wants and that is MORE THAN ACCEPTABLE!!! FUCK OFF!!!!!!  He eats his beef, cheese, carrots, radishes…. etc… and is looking around trying to see how come mom and dad are not eating with him and why he is on display.  She is right up in his face until he reaches for a broccoli spear.  He is then freaked out and drops it because of the super loud squeal of delight from fucking grandma. I would be afraid to eat too!  The only saving grace was that because he touched it she finally left.  Dinner was eaten as a family like normal.  Nobody was forced to eat anything or a specific bite to satisfy somebody else.  If you were hungry you ate, if you were full you stopped eating.  Simple as that.

Upon leaving, I had to resist punching as I had to explain again that NO I WON’T bring him to your house EVERY WEEKEND as it is more convenient for you.  We can definitely do that occasionally, BUT by no means am I going to do it always because it would be more convenient for you when he will be miserable because you have no toys and still wouldn’t play with him.

Sunday afternoon visits

Texting Excuses

So lately I have started to receive text’s again from MIL. I had been taken off the text train a while ago, and honestly I was ok with it. Sadly they are back. Of course they are incredibly infuriating and full of BS! Today’s text was:

“Hi honey. The cold hit our house that is why we didn’t come up this weekend. BF was really sick. Hope I don’t get it. Hope you guys are all well. Love you all”

So, this doesn’t sound like a bad message all in all until you realise that we got a similar message the past few weeks in a row! We didn’t even know that she was pondering on coming on by to visit, but no big deal. Just why bother sending me a bullshit fucking excuse again and again. Just don’t say anything! Seriously, why fucking bother?!?!

Texting Excuses

Christmas Turkey

Since we are home this year for Christmas I reminded hubby to tell his mom that WE WOULD COOK THE TURKEY!!!  You know, that way it will be edible?!  Well….. he forgot.  I got him to phone her and say that we will do it and sadly she won’t let me 😦 FML!!! Now I have to eat shitty turkey (at least I pray it’s fucking turkey and not loaf!)  I told hubby to be insistent as neither of us want to eat fucking loaf.  He tried to request it one more time only to be told that we can bring the mashed potatoes as “there is just something about Lindsay’s potatoes that is just yummy!!!”  Hubby got off the phone and laughed, looked at me repeated his mom’s words and said “Yeah, it’s called salt and butter!”  So note to self, I get to eat potatoes and christmas bark.  The christmas bark I was told that i needed to bring more as it is MIL’s favourite!  She raved about it and ate half the container at hubby’s birthday….. Yes I added extra “sugar” on top… AKA Salt! and it’s made with a cup of BUTTER.  See FAT and SALT = flavour!!!! FUCK MIL, can I just do all the cooking?!?!  PLEASE!!!!!!  I will demand to cook the gravy too once we get there as it is fucking easy to make from scratch and tastes better than the freaking chemical packages that she uses.

😦 😦 😦 FML!

Christmas Turkey

Christmas Soup

Well it’s that time of the year again when we get the pleasure of going to MIL’s and being forced to decorate her christmas tree (yes she makes the granddaughters decorate even if they protest!).  With that brings “christmas soup!!!” YES! I love soup!!! I have pumpkin soup in my fridge right now!

…. Oh wait! Remember last years “soup”…. aka water with chicken chunks….. this year was a repeat.

Open package of no salt chicken broth, mix in unseasoned processed chicken pieces and egg noodles.  For fancy option add shredded carrots from a bag…. This year we got the FANCY carrot option.

Needless to say I fucking dread Christmas soup day! I had a salt shaker and bottle of hot sauce by the door ready to go so that I could at least choke it down.  Of course I forgot it. 😦 FUCK now I’m really fucked!!!!

Or am I?!??!!!!

Well, we play around.  By that I mean that I play with my son on the floor while Grandma watches from a far.  Everyone afraid to touch him like he is some sort of Faberge egg.  UMMM he is 6 months! He can sit up by himself, he will stand if you give him your hands and so on….. He’s got this, and won’t break.

Anyways, nap time comes upon us.  Hubby has set up the playpen in MIL’s room so that we can try for a nap!  Well, tiny human is just not having a nap.  He has cried for 45 minutes and is like “FUCK THIS! I want to go home!!!”  So hubby goes and hurriedly eats some shitty soup to save some face to his mom?  I start packing up all our shit and everyone is like ” OH? what are you doing?”  Are you fucking blind and deaf?  My son is howling and I am clearly packing up his toys and taking them to the car!  Anyways, MIL starts talking like “oh I will just pack you some soup up to go!”  I respond with “NO THANKS!”  Hubby says we don’t have time, as he knows that once tiny human is in his car seat that we are gone! We don’t have 15 minutes for you to dick around and let some soup cool so that you can send me home with some…. She gets a little huffy because of it but I honestly don’t care anymore.  Then as I am getting tiny human in his car seat and my jacket on, everyone starts coming to the door and NOW wanting to Fucking visit!!! FUCK OFF!! Seriously, just fuck off!!! No I am not fucking around, as son is still yelling! No I’m not waiting for fucking soup and not going to now tell you how I’m doing and chatting.  Hurry up and give me a fucking hug goodbye if you want, as you had 2.5 hours previously to tell me all the shit going on in your life to which you didn’t.  Now is the wrong fucking time to realise that I’m here too.

Baby locked and loaded, hubby out the door and heading home.  Of course tiny human doesn’t fall asleep right away, but half way home…. Hubby asks if we should take the LONG way home! Thank goodness, as he needs this nap desperately.  In order to extend the trip too, we hubby proceeds to the drive thru of a Tim Horton’s to order me a sandwich as I haven’t eaten!

Oh and just because I’m a big bitch, I decided to make some Christmas bark as a treat for everyone.  MIL and SIL both say that salt and butter are bad for you and that it makes them sick and that they just swell up immediately if they have ANY salt.  I’m calling BULLSHIT!!!! How you ask, well, I have proved it each and every time I cook as I only cook with butter and salt everything.  Well my sister’s MIL has a recipe for Christmas bark that is made from soda crackers, butter, brown sugar and chocolate chips.  Of course I use SALTED crackers, and added a very liberal layer of fine ground pink sea salt on top!!!!  I had to laugh as when MIL opened the container she exclaimed “OH THIS IS MY FAVOURITE!!!!” and ate the biggest piece available, and then proceeded to eat about half the container…… There was no swelling…..

Christmas Soup

Another round of birthdays…

We just had another round of birthdays that brought us again to MIL’s house for the afternoon.  I don’t even think I really need to say more on that subject lol. Before leaving I dug out our travel books to Ireland because BIL and GF are heading to Ireland and Spain in the spring for a holiday but haven’t told MIL because she will then turn into a mom and treat him like he is 5 and panic beyond belief.  In order to get away with this as a secret covert mission, I had to fashion a book jacket out of some heavy gauge paper that I had so that nobody could see what that it was a travel guide and preemptively panic over NOTHING!

I did have to bite my tongue once though as everyone was talking about disciplining children.  SIL doesn’t….. and says that she wants to be their friends and even later in the day said that the 9 year old is the boss of the house 😦 .  Then MIL pipes up and says that she never hit any of her children, she only remained very calm and said that she was disappointed in them.  The reason I had to bite my tongue to this was because she may not have spanked her own children but I have fucking witnessed you spank your fucking grand-daughter!!!! Don’t get me wrong, a spank was very well warranted, but not from fucking grandma!!! And especially when mom was in the room.  But thankfully that was a few years ago and there will be NO FUCKING WAY that you will EVER do that to my child or I will loose my shit.  Who are we kidding, I will fly my mom out here to babysit before leaving him with MIL!

Pumpkin photos: For halloween hubby hollowed out a big pumpkin, carved out the back and two leg holes so that we could have the obligatory baby in a pumpkin photo.  If you look at the photo you can clearly tell that it was a real pumpkin.  MIL is so fucking dense that the first question she has for hubby was “was that a real pumpkin?  Heavens to goodness that was a fake pumpkin right?”  UMmmm…. NO!  It was a real fucking pumpkin.  LOL it was way cheaper than having to go and buy a fake pumpkin to carve up.  *facepalm* (in my head, just breathe, you only just got here and have a few more hours of this bullshit to go… breathe…. repeat song that you sing to tiny human to calm him down – Zee Frank – chillout song or you will seriously go mental!)

As we were leaving I got more insight to the whole text message to my mom about not being able to visit her grandson….. We are getting our shoes on and she says “You guys feel free to pop in anytime as we would love to see more of him!”  I actually spoke up and said “NO! NO! YOU feel free to pop over anytime!  We are home all of the time! Bedtime is between 6:30-7 and we are home the majority of weekends!  It is WAY EASIER for YOU to come to him then us bring him always to you.  He is only able to be awake 2.5 hours currently, so by us coming to you we have to have him in a carseat 2x of which consist of 20-30 minutes each way to get to your house, which is half of his awake window!  SO NO, if you want to see your grandson, come to see him at his house, with his toys and his surroundings!!!”  I was quite shocked but proud of myself for sticking up!  The look on her face was like “oh, i never thought of that before!”  I resisted slapping her at least.  Now the funny part will be if she actually does it or not.  My guess is not because that is out of her comfort zone.  Everyone has to cater to her as she cannot be bothered to see how it inconveniences others.

Another round of birthdays…

Visiting

So MIL’s birthday was a few days ago and instead we were in Banff with my parents.  My mom sent her a text message wishing her a most happy birthday (trying to get me brownie points and to keep the peace).  MIL’s response went something like this… “You are so lucky to get to see our little one.  I wish I was retired and that his sleep was better so that I could come and visit in the evenings.”

Ok, so perhaps you are wondering what is wrong with that statement? Let me explain: My parents are retired yes, but they live over 1200KM away… MIL lives 13km but works.  My parents have seen little one more times than MIL.  Also, what the hell does his shitty sleep have to do with not coming over?  Bedtime is between 6:30-7!  If you come after work for a few minutes he is a happy boy and would love to see his grandma I’m sure.  It is only after he is asleep that he doesn’t sleep (super long chunks that is) So FUCK OFF!  Come visit your fucking grandson and stop with the shitty bullshit excuses!  Plus, we are home all fucking weekends!!! What is stopping you from coming over in the afternoon???? Please explain your bullshit excuse more because nobody understands it!  Are you upset to hear that my son doesn’t make strange and reaches out to his grandparents who live so fucking far away because at least they make an effort to at least facetime with him so he hears their voices!  You live 13KM away!!!! He has NO idea who you are!!!  He doesn’t reach out for you, he could care less if you are around currently because sadly for him, you aren’t!  MIL, you would be pissed if you knew just how much he practically lunges out of my arms when he sees our landlady because he wants to chat and cuddle with that “grandma”!!!

GROW THE FUCK UP AND SHUT UP WITH THE BULLSHIT EXCUSES ALREADY!!!

Visiting