We moved, and now you want to too!

So I currently am sitting here very pregnant and beyond frustrated.  Friday hubby received a phone call saying that his mom would really like to come over and visit with us Sunday morning.  Ok, no problem, any reason? She said that she would like to discuss with us her retirement hopefully at the end of this year around her birthday (November).  Uh, ok, that isn’t our decision but sure!  The next day hubby received another phone call from mom.  This time she starts freaking out telling him not to mention her possible retirement Sunday as her BF is coming and he doesn’t know about it yet….. FUCK lady grow up already!!! Who cares! It doesn’t matter anyways and this Jr. Highschool BS is just that, BS!!! I got upset with hubby after he hung up for that reason, I reminded him that this is the same thing that she was doing once she started dating and wanted me to tell hubby that she had a BF! Ummm, NO! I am about ready to go out and buy you a freaking pair of big girl underpants already since you turn 65 this fucking year, I think it’s about time you probably have a pair!!!  He has no say in if you retire or not.  Hell you kicked him out of the house months ago because you didn’t want to even discuss the possibility of his kids moving in (because they asked once), so NO he has NO SAY in if you choose to retire or not.  Just like hubby and I have no say!  Is it what you want to do?  Can you afford to do so?  Do you want to?  If the answers are YES, then FUCKING RETIRE!!!

Don’t worry, it gets better……

Backstory: At the beginning of December hubby and I purchased our first house!  We moved 1hr away from MIL (with no traffic, 1 1/2hr with) so really not that far away.  Plus, we all know how often she visited when we were 5-15 minutes away anyways.  We are still excited as it is a better commute for hubby to his work and a smaller town vibe (we live in a pretty close knit community with amazing neighbours!).  Housing prices were WAY more affordable this way, as quite literally the only way we would have been able to afford a house where we were was to honestly win the lottery.

After all of the freaking out about trying to make it our decision if she should retire or not (but don’t tell BF) we are dropped with another BOMBSHELL!!!! In case you are wondering, yup we aren’t allowed to tell her BF this one either!!! lol. In case you haven’t figured it out by now: YUP!!! We are told that she wants to MOVE CLOSER TO US!!!  The reason that she want’s to retire we are told is because she has “DECIDED that she wants to be become a grandma!”  Yup, you read that right!  Let me repeat: SHE HAS DECIDED SHE WANTS TO BE A GRANDMA!!!  Because she want’s to finally participate in our 19 month old son’s life and our second child’s life, means that she wants to move 15 minutes down the mountain from us and retire so that we can “hang out” during the week ALL THE TIME!!! YUP, apparently she has already started looking at condos.  SHOOT ME NOW! SERIOUSLY! PLEASE SHOOT ME!  I don’t even know how to respond to this especially since, ummm, she is forgetting that she has two other grandchildren too!  One is 15 (shit, maybe 16 next month!) and the other 10!  They live an hour the other direction from her (currently) and she actually is INVOLVED in their lives!  So…. she is going to become my BFF and always be at my house and forget all about her granddaughters?


We are then told that she want’s to spend all morning with little one so that they will be at our house bright and early Sunday morning at 7am!!!  No worries, hubby says as we are typically up by 5/6ish and little man goes for nap at 1, so you will have plenty of time to play.  Yup, they showed up just after 10.


We moved, and now you want to too!

Cha cha cha changes

So many changes are fastly approaching in my world. Today is Thanksgiving day and I am going to TRY and continue the tradition of keeping my mouth shut around family. I am probably going to scream at the first person that tries to rub my belly, as yes I am currently pregnant with #2! 🙂 When I find the majority of those people annoying AF, then NO don’t freaking touch me. Since finding out #2, hubby and I have decided that we need to become adults and buy our first home together. Super exciting and nervous at the same time. Next week we plan on spending a day with our realtor and seeing more open houses, then having a prenatal appointment that evening. Well, one evening MIL was at our house and hubby started telling her about where we are looking at moving to. She then follows it up with “OH! I’m looking at moving that way too!!!!” My heart fucking melts! This is a joke right!?!?! You don’t honestly want to move out that way??? This cannot be happening!

Turned out that MIL kicked her BF out of the trailer because his oldest child inquired if perhaps he could move in with dad. At the thought that perhaps that was a remote possibility, MIL decided that it would be best if that after 2-3 years of living together that they should “just date!” So out moves BF to a 5th wheel and now MIL cannot afford to pay for the trailer on her own. She needs to move. So instead of moving to a smaller place and one that she can afford, she wants to move to be closer to me??? OH HELLS NO! I am wanting to move away as it would be at least 1-1.5hrs away from you!!!! Currently she lives 15minutes away. YUP 15 fucking minutes and we still don’t see her. Why the F would you want to move further east with me to what, still not see your now grandchildren but be able to tell your friends that you live near them? NO just NO! She then has the odasity to ask when we are looking at places and to let her know. Yeah, if you honestly think that you are coming on showings with us you really have another thing coming.

Hubby was supposed to meet his father this weekend. Apparently he got called into work so sadly it wasn’t able to happen. SIL calls him up and explained that perhaps next Saturday could work (yup, my birthday) as that works best for her! Whatever, to me it is more important for him to meet his dad then my birthday. He then is asked by SIL if he talked to MIL about him wanting to meet his dad and said not to as she would be upset! FML, ok now hubby wants to talk to him mom and find out why she told SIL not to meet her dad at 14 and wait until legally she couldn’t do anything about it. I am now having to keep reminding him that all this happened 25 years ago. Whatever his mom’s reasons for being upset with his dad is between the two of them and should in NO WAY deter him from finally meeting him. MIL has had this hold over his head his whole life, and only he can determine what, if any relationship he wants to have with his father. So now I am 100% sure going to have to probably tell my MIL that not everything is about her and to stop her fucking crying as her son is allowed to meet his fucking father whether she likes it or not. FML! I can already hear/see the fake tears flowing. If she tries to mess this up I don’t think that there will be any way I can bite my tongue!

Son is asleep, I need to pack shit to take to MIL’s for supper, hubby is out buying stupid buns for dinner and a gift card for his sister.  I asked 3x last week if we needed to bring/make anything for today and was always told “oh no!”  Then last night after all the grocery stores are closed we are told to bring buns.  We don’t know how many buns because we are unsure the number of people for dinner after the fact that BF was kicked out.  This morning at around 9am, yup holiday monday we were told “OH??? 2 dozen of course!”  I guess that means the gang is all there?  As for the gift card….. we FINALLY got it down to NO PRESENTS for birthdays because exchanging GC’s is stupid at this age and so are forced presents, but SIL guilted everyone into “pitching in for a laptop that she NEEDS for work” for her birthday… Needless to say that pisses me right the F off because if you need it for work, work would buy it for you.

Wish me luck that I don’t murder anyone!  ……… I’m not promising anything!


PS: no I have NO idea what mystery food we will be enjoying this year either……. 😦

Cha cha cha changes

Adulting is Hard

We were walking around the hardware stores this past weekend and it started to pour.  The car was left at the last store and sadly MIL’s house was closer.  Instead of getting tiny human sopping wet, we decided to head to MIL’s house so that he could eat his lunch while being dry and send dad to get the car.  This is when we found out just how hard it is to be an adult!  SIL is turning 39 this year!  She has two kids, lives on her own with kids and BF.  She has a full time job and so does he.  SOOOOO…… can someone please tell me why the fuck the following is still happening:

A) She still gets government subsidies for being a “single mom”.

B) MIL co-signed a car loan.

C) MIL paid to get SIL’s taxes done with hers, and thus paid someone $250 to do it!

D) SIL still gets a $100/month ALLOWANCE from MIL!!!!!!!



Seriously, we all have had to grow up at sometime!  Both the boys in the family don’t get any of the above treatment.  SIL is the oldest one of the kids too…….(unless you ask MIL, who introduces hubby as such.  Middle child is the new oldest?)

I told hubby this on the drive home as MIL was basically telling me all of this while tiny human was eating lunch and the accountant came over.  Boasting about SIL’s taxes like they were public knowledge and that “you know, it’s really hard for her?!”  IS IT?!?! Or has she just never had to grow up because you allow her to act like a fucking 5 year old.  Why not just wipe her ass while you are at it?

Adulting is Hard

Sunday afternoon visits

So after a month of BS excuse after BS excuse we are finally told that we are going to be graced with MIL’s presence to visit her grandson.  OK sure, I’ll believe it when I see it!  Apparently she decided that she was going to come over last week when tiny human and I were away to visit, then got upset because we didn’t tell her that we were going anywhere.  UMMM, I never knew that I needed your permission to go to my parent’s house!  So a few days after our return, I am told that she is going to come over…. you know, to ensure that we are safe from our trip.

…….Breathe, resist punching MIL in the face!….

Flying to my parent’s is a 1hr, 15min flight.  A puddle jump.  It takes longer to get to the airport then the actual flight itself.  Also, this is something that we have been doing quite frequently, but whatever.

I am advised that Sunday at 3pm we are to expect our visit.  It is now 2:45 and I am getting anxious.  I don’t want her to show up… I am angry and frustrated today and really have NO patience for her bullshit.  3pm comes and goes, and now so does 3:30.  Anxiety slowly lowering as perhaps she will bail after all.  FUCK my life! 4pm and there is a knock at the door… FUCK they showed up!  Quick, slap a smile on your face and resist any punches or calling of any and all BS!!!

Come in and a weak fake hug later and everyone is sitting on the living room floor.  Tiny human is VERY CAUTIOUS about these new people in his play space who are trying desperately to get into his personal space and touching him.  He instantly crawls to me and climbs up getting as tiny as he can in my arms (he is a big boy, so this is hard lol).  I know that my nerves do not help this situation either, but he these are random people to him also.  We have to lure him to her by having her hold his polar bear and toothbrush (two current favourite toys) and even then it takes some time.  While he is there he constantly looks back at dad and I to ensure that this is ok.

He spotted her watch as it is gold and shiny!  Of course he tried to take it off, like any baby would do.  It is small and dainty and a complete choking hazard to which I have to politely tell her to keep it on her fucking wrist and not let him play with it!  Tiny human is standing now with toothbrush in his mouth and turns to try and walk back to me.  Well HOLY FUCK BALLS BATMAN! You would of thought that the world was falling in with her reaction! Not because he was standing, not because he was trying to walk independently, but because he was standing with his toothbrush in his mouth and heaven forbid if he should fall and choke on it!  She then proceeds to grab the toothbrush away from him and brush his teeth for him…. He uses it as a teether, and is getting frustrated as she won’t give it back to him!  Dad actually pipes up and says “he does it HIMSELF all the time!!! He is ok.”  She then responds with, “well, I just don’t want him to choke on it!”  Maybe if you actually showed the fuck up you would realise that he is more than capable of doing these actions.  He does them every fucking day and has done so for MONTHS!!!!!  Let me repeat that …. MONTHS!!!  So don’t treat him like he is a new born, he is 10 months old and is very independent.

Supper time is now quickly approaching and he is getting hungry.  As I am in the kitchen chopping veggies for stir fry, I hand him a duck puff to tide him over.  Panic ensues as he shoved it in his mouth!!! OH NO!!! HE is going to CHOKE!!!……. Now both hubby and I are telling her to calm the fuck down already! We wouldn’t give them to him if he couldn’t have or handle them.  They dissolve almost instantly and it’s not like he isn’t also surrounded by adults.  She has now said for 15 minutes that they are leaving.  I’m thinking “great as I’m just about to plate supper and thus we can eat together like normal.”  Throw that out the window.  Hubby gets tiny human in his chair and tray on.  I place diced veggies and meat on his tray to which he starts picking at.  Well, this is now quite a hit show to see, especially since there is broccoli on there too.  She flat out says she is refuses to leave until he eats his broccoli!!!  She gets closer and leans in to force him to eat the broccoli when we have to intervene and say that he will eat what he wants and that is MORE THAN ACCEPTABLE!!! FUCK OFF!!!!!!  He eats his beef, cheese, carrots, radishes…. etc… and is looking around trying to see how come mom and dad are not eating with him and why he is on display.  She is right up in his face until he reaches for a broccoli spear.  He is then freaked out and drops it because of the super loud squeal of delight from fucking grandma. I would be afraid to eat too!  The only saving grace was that because he touched it she finally left.  Dinner was eaten as a family like normal.  Nobody was forced to eat anything or a specific bite to satisfy somebody else.  If you were hungry you ate, if you were full you stopped eating.  Simple as that.

Upon leaving, I had to resist punching as I had to explain again that NO I WON’T bring him to your house EVERY WEEKEND as it is more convenient for you.  We can definitely do that occasionally, BUT by no means am I going to do it always because it would be more convenient for you when he will be miserable because you have no toys and still wouldn’t play with him.

Sunday afternoon visits

Texting Excuses

So lately I have started to receive text’s again from MIL. I had been taken off the text train a while ago, and honestly I was ok with it. Sadly they are back. Of course they are incredibly infuriating and full of BS! Today’s text was:

“Hi honey. The cold hit our house that is why we didn’t come up this weekend. BF was really sick. Hope I don’t get it. Hope you guys are all well. Love you all”

So, this doesn’t sound like a bad message all in all until you realise that we got a similar message the past few weeks in a row! We didn’t even know that she was pondering on coming on by to visit, but no big deal. Just why bother sending me a bullshit fucking excuse again and again. Just don’t say anything! Seriously, why fucking bother?!?!

Texting Excuses

Christmas Turkey

Since we are home this year for Christmas I reminded hubby to tell his mom that WE WOULD COOK THE TURKEY!!!  You know, that way it will be edible?!  Well….. he forgot.  I got him to phone her and say that we will do it and sadly she won’t let me 😦 FML!!! Now I have to eat shitty turkey (at least I pray it’s fucking turkey and not loaf!)  I told hubby to be insistent as neither of us want to eat fucking loaf.  He tried to request it one more time only to be told that we can bring the mashed potatoes as “there is just something about Lindsay’s potatoes that is just yummy!!!”  Hubby got off the phone and laughed, looked at me repeated his mom’s words and said “Yeah, it’s called salt and butter!”  So note to self, I get to eat potatoes and christmas bark.  The christmas bark I was told that i needed to bring more as it is MIL’s favourite!  She raved about it and ate half the container at hubby’s birthday….. Yes I added extra “sugar” on top… AKA Salt! and it’s made with a cup of BUTTER.  See FAT and SALT = flavour!!!! FUCK MIL, can I just do all the cooking?!?!  PLEASE!!!!!!  I will demand to cook the gravy too once we get there as it is fucking easy to make from scratch and tastes better than the freaking chemical packages that she uses.

😦 😦 😦 FML!

Christmas Turkey

Christmas Soup

Well it’s that time of the year again when we get the pleasure of going to MIL’s and being forced to decorate her christmas tree (yes she makes the granddaughters decorate even if they protest!).  With that brings “christmas soup!!!” YES! I love soup!!! I have pumpkin soup in my fridge right now!

…. Oh wait! Remember last years “soup”…. aka water with chicken chunks….. this year was a repeat.

Open package of no salt chicken broth, mix in unseasoned processed chicken pieces and egg noodles.  For fancy option add shredded carrots from a bag…. This year we got the FANCY carrot option.

Needless to say I fucking dread Christmas soup day! I had a salt shaker and bottle of hot sauce by the door ready to go so that I could at least choke it down.  Of course I forgot it. 😦 FUCK now I’m really fucked!!!!

Or am I?!??!!!!

Well, we play around.  By that I mean that I play with my son on the floor while Grandma watches from a far.  Everyone afraid to touch him like he is some sort of Faberge egg.  UMMM he is 6 months! He can sit up by himself, he will stand if you give him your hands and so on….. He’s got this, and won’t break.

Anyways, nap time comes upon us.  Hubby has set up the playpen in MIL’s room so that we can try for a nap!  Well, tiny human is just not having a nap.  He has cried for 45 minutes and is like “FUCK THIS! I want to go home!!!”  So hubby goes and hurriedly eats some shitty soup to save some face to his mom?  I start packing up all our shit and everyone is like ” OH? what are you doing?”  Are you fucking blind and deaf?  My son is howling and I am clearly packing up his toys and taking them to the car!  Anyways, MIL starts talking like “oh I will just pack you some soup up to go!”  I respond with “NO THANKS!”  Hubby says we don’t have time, as he knows that once tiny human is in his car seat that we are gone! We don’t have 15 minutes for you to dick around and let some soup cool so that you can send me home with some…. She gets a little huffy because of it but I honestly don’t care anymore.  Then as I am getting tiny human in his car seat and my jacket on, everyone starts coming to the door and NOW wanting to Fucking visit!!! FUCK OFF!! Seriously, just fuck off!!! No I am not fucking around, as son is still yelling! No I’m not waiting for fucking soup and not going to now tell you how I’m doing and chatting.  Hurry up and give me a fucking hug goodbye if you want, as you had 2.5 hours previously to tell me all the shit going on in your life to which you didn’t.  Now is the wrong fucking time to realise that I’m here too.

Baby locked and loaded, hubby out the door and heading home.  Of course tiny human doesn’t fall asleep right away, but half way home…. Hubby asks if we should take the LONG way home! Thank goodness, as he needs this nap desperately.  In order to extend the trip too, we hubby proceeds to the drive thru of a Tim Horton’s to order me a sandwich as I haven’t eaten!

Oh and just because I’m a big bitch, I decided to make some Christmas bark as a treat for everyone.  MIL and SIL both say that salt and butter are bad for you and that it makes them sick and that they just swell up immediately if they have ANY salt.  I’m calling BULLSHIT!!!! How you ask, well, I have proved it each and every time I cook as I only cook with butter and salt everything.  Well my sister’s MIL has a recipe for Christmas bark that is made from soda crackers, butter, brown sugar and chocolate chips.  Of course I use SALTED crackers, and added a very liberal layer of fine ground pink sea salt on top!!!!  I had to laugh as when MIL opened the container she exclaimed “OH THIS IS MY FAVOURITE!!!!” and ate the biggest piece available, and then proceeded to eat about half the container…… There was no swelling…..

Christmas Soup